you have a place in my heart no one else ever could have
by Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs
Summary: "I'm not cut out for this," she whispers after a few moments of silence, voice thick with tears. "Maybe I was just never meant to be a mother." May/Skye/Coulson AU.


A/N: An ask!fic meme prompt: philinda & newborn baby skye + "I'm not cut out for this." Title from an F. Scott Fitzgerald quote. Set in an au verse I mean to explore fully; set post-Bahrain.

Disclaimer: I only own the au idea.

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><p>He surprised it takes as long as it does.<p>

Three weeks of late nights, little sleep, and no down time has hit both of them hard, Melinda even harder than him. Skye was a happy baby when the sun was up, but as soon as night fell, she started crying and rarely stopped. He'd had to go back to the office after the first week, leaving his wife alone with their newborn daughter, and no mission he'd ever been on had been quite as hard as that.

He tries to come home early as often as he can, but one of Barton and Romanoff's missions had ended badly, and he'd been stuck doing paperwork until almost ten. When he does get home, all the lights are off, and the house is mercifully quiet.

He finds Melinda in the nursery; Skye nestled in her arms as she sits in the rocking chair, rocking softly as the baby sleeps against her chest. She isn't the one crying; Melinda is the one with tears on her cheeks, breathing uneven as she tries not to wake the baby up. Phil enters the room quietly and sits down at her feet, one hand coming up to cup her knee.

"I'm not cut out for this," she whispers after a few moments of silence, voice thick with tears. "Maybe I was just never meant to be a mother."

"Hey, hey, no," Phil says softly, shaking his head as he shifts to his knees, standing up and carefully taking Skye from Melinda, adjusting her warm, heavy weight in his arms. She snuffles sleepily, burrowing into his work shirt before settling back down. Phil carefully settles her down in her bassinet, turns on the monitor, and flicks on her mobile before turning to his wife, offering her his hands, and tugging her up to stand. The moment she's on her feet he wraps her up in his arms, burying his face in her hair as she turns her damp cheek into his neck, arms tight around his waist.

He just stands there for a few minutes, hugging Melinda tightly, before he presses a firm kiss to her head and starts to guide her out of the nursery and to their room next door. She moves easily, still wrapped around him, and he holds her close as he shuts the door and sits her down on the bed. "Want to tell me what happened?"

"I had a flashback," she whispers, eyes on her hands, fingers clenched together in her lap. "While Skye was taking a nap. All I could hear was gunfire, but it was just her mobile."

Phil kneels in front of her, gently taking her fingers in his and relaxing her fingers, stroking them soothingly with his.

"Did you hurt Skye?"

"_No_," Melinda denies vehemently, her response immediate as soon as the question leaves his mouth. "I would nev-"

"Mel, I know you would never hurt our daughter," Phil interrupts her quietly, squeezing her fingers. "You love her more than anything, and you would never allow her to be hurt by anyone, including yourself. You have to stop doubting yourself; you're a fantastic mother, and that little girl in there loves you."

Melinda looks down at him, tears in the corners of her eyes again as she raises hands that shake slightly up to his face, cupping his cheeks before she leans forward, pressing her forehead to his. Phil lets his eyes slide shut as May presses her mouth against first his cheeks, then his forehead, before finally ending on his mouth.

"I didn't know I could love one person so much," she whispers, and he knows she's talking about Skye; about the impossible miracle sound asleep in the room next to them. He knows exactly how she feels too; before she'd been placed in his arms for the very first time, he hadn't realized how much love his heart could hold for one tiny human being. "I'm scared for her."

"That's called being a parent," he replies softly, reaching one hand up to cup her cheek, forehead still pressed to hers briefly before he pulls away, thumbs brushing tears from beneath her eyes. "We never thought this was going to be easy."

Melinda laughs a little at that, hands tight on his neck for a moment before she relaxes, slipping her arms down around his shoulders, hugging him close. He moves with her easily, letting her tug him down onto the bed with her, her warm weight pressing into his right side as she curls up with him in the middle of the bed.

He holds her as she falls asleep almost immediately; her breathing evens out and he brushes her hair back from her face, pressing a kiss to her forehead and covering her with a blanket before carefully slipping from the bed, heading back towards the nursery. He enters quietly, only partially surprised to find a sleepy but awake Skye in her bassinet; he picks her up and settles her in his arms, smiling down at her as she snuggles into his chest sleepily.

"You are the luckiest little girl on the planet, you know that?" he whispers, looking down at his daughter and stroking his fingers over her stomach softly. "You have the best mommy in the whole wide world, and she's never going to let anything happen to you, ever. Which will be great when the boys start lining up at our front door, because you are gonna be a knockout just like your mom, kiddo."

Skye burbles sleepily, eyes blinking open slower and slower as Phil rocks the chair steadily. He smiles, kissing her forehead as she falls asleep in his arms; she's warm and solid in his arms, and all the heartache it took to get to where he is right in this moment is suddenly worth it. He rests his head back against the rocking chair, Skye secure against his chest, and closes his eyes.

It's the first night Skye sleeps all the way through.


End file.
